“falling” in love with others


This is a poem about “falling” in love. Not in the conventional sense though. More like being tripped up and falling down, rather than the romantic emotional “falling in Love” that people usually mean by the more common use of the phrase.  The emphasis here is on the falling part.

And my personal landings have been quite painful!!

*

*

“other” loves

*

YES!

*

it’s love!

…..but why?

*

what is this passionate “love”?

and

… just “who” am I in love with?

*

You?

*

There are so many “you”s!

The many “you”s from this life

and the you from other lives

so  many “you”s

so many “me”s

*

“love”?

Why this resonance?

Here?                   Now?

My love life from other existences leaking through!!!

Damn!

NOBODY EVER TOLD ME ABOUT THIS!!!

*

Practically strangers,

but I love some “us”, somehow, somewhere!

…resonance beyond reason

beyond sight!

beyond belief!

*

How is this possible ?

Here?

Now?

*

Obviously not.

*

Hardly a window of opportunity to be with you now,

yet,  I feel I must behave myself

not act the fool and drool!

*

revealing this divine passion for being with you

so deeply buried

beyond the merely human traceable paths of “ordinary” life

within the fabric of my being

*

tugging at my awareness

like a splinter in consciousness.

causing me  pain I soooo refused to look at,

until today….surprise!

*

and now  I understand

it’s the presence of  the echoes  I feel

of the “us” that we once were

*

in the timbre of your voice,

in such divine and easy laughter together,

in the affections and appreciations,

that you admit to;

*

my  passion for “us”,

silently floating out of it’s carefully buried place of remembrance

like an unholy ghost, unbidden

haunting and taunting me with the absence of it’s flow in my life

and I fall helplessly in love with “us” again

*

so far beyond this life

and the you  I see right here,

into vast depths of relationship

that boggle the  human mind

spanning eons;

*

into a love that makes the entire human spectrum of it

seem like toddlers playing house,

*

with the You that you are not now,

that does remember.

*

We dressed ourselves in other lives this time,

hardly recognizable to each other.

Hiding so much of our Selves,

that You would not recognize Me,

nor I, You.

*

We already have other lovers, interests, paths

this divine separation clearly serving us,

so much so,

that I must honor it at your request,

*

or perhaps,

it was mine.

*

But we found each other anyways, didn’t we?

“Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, ”  says the Universe.

“Be at peace. That is not for here, not for now.

There are other reasons for your life …”

Insisting, “Now it is time to love yourself that way

without the other,  first…”

*

and so,  alone,

in the ecstasy of feeling  you and I together,

I   let  “us” go for now

to cure this divine agony of separation

*

and I create

from this space of  freedom

new  ways

of being in love

*

with

us.

*

*

It has been my experience in the last few years, that I am running into people that have apparently been deeply and passionately involved with me in past lives on earth. This has been very disconcerting as the strong feelings  we shared from these past lives were still attached to the “them” that I experienced in the  now. Even though the roles we now play are completely different and these individuals have moved on to other lives, I still felt “our” past when I was physically near them.

These feelings  confused me for the longest time. I didn’t know where they were coming from and kept trying to dismiss them and ignore them. That didn’t always work. I could feel that essence of closeness  so keenly, that I would unconsciously attempt to connect back with it in some fashion. Those kinds of actions would start leading to all sorts of confusing scenarios of painful feelings of grief, rejection, and embarassment, all out of proportion to the current social situations we found ourselves in.  Keep in mind, these other people had no conscious idea of the motivations for my actions and for the longest time neither did I!

What  I did  have were intense, confusing, feelings of desire of one type or another that absolutely made no sense in the current context of our lives. When I was finally able to say a confused “yes” to these strange feelings and allow them to flow through me, I followed them to  this poem, and my understanding was  the result.

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